Q: Chris, when you match someone, what do you recommend is an appropriate first date if the person is traveling a long way to meet you?? If dinner the first night doesn’t go well, and the person flew up for an entire weekend to be with you, are you obligated to spend more time with the person?

~ Sarah in New York City

Hi, Sarah:

Great question! An appropriate first date would be a nice dinner at a trendy and romantic restaurant of your choice – unless your date made other dining arrangements in advance.

If he arrives in your city earlier than your dinner plans and it’s convenient for you, try doing an activity together (like going to an art gallery either before dinner or after.) Base that activity on your mutual interests.

And no, you are NEVER obligated to spend a weekend of dating on a first date—so make sure it’s not planned that way in the first place!  We at the 4M Club ask you don’t do a dating marathon. Treat your first date with someone traveling a long distance the same as if you were meeting up locally.

These men also know how to make great use of their time, so if the date didn’t go well (or even when it does), it’s no different than if he lived in your city. He goes his way, and you go yours. And in New York City, the world is your (and his) oyster!

So NO obligations, ever, other than be your sweet, charming, beautiful and smart self when you meet him. Enjoy getting to know an interesting man. If things don’t gel for whatever reason, you still had a good time and a nice evening out.

And if things DO gel, play it by ear (maybe meet for a late breakfast or early lunch before his flight out the next day, for example.) But again, no serial weekend dating, please. When a man desires a woman, he will make sure to visit again in a week or two.

A slow burn is the way to go!



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